Words, words, and words

The Modern Library's 100 Best of the 20th Century
(I've read in bold)


1. ULYSSES by James Joyce
2. THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
4. LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov
5. BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley
6. THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
7. CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
8. DARKNESS AT NOON by Arthur Koestler
9. SONS AND LOVERS by D.H. Lawrence
10. THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
11. UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowry
12. THE WAY OF ALL FLESH by Samuel Butler
13. 1984 by George Orwell
14. I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
15. TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf
16. AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Theodore Dreiser
17. THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
18. SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
19. INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
20. NATIVE SON by Richard Wright
21. HENDERSON THE RAIN KING by Saul Bellow
22. APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by John O'Hara
23. U.S.A. (trilogy) by John Dos Passos
24. WINESBURG, OHIO by Sherwood Anderson
25. A PASSAGE TO INDIA by E.M. Forster
26. THE WINGS OF THE DOVE by Henry James
27. THE AMBASSADORS by Henry James
28. TENDER IS THE NIGHT by F. Scott Fitzgerald
29. THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY by James T. Farrell
30. THE GOOD SOLDIER by Ford Madox Ford
31. ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
32. THE GOLDEN BOWL by Henry James
33. SISTER CARRIE by Theodore Dreiser
34. A HANDFUL OF DUST by Evelyn Waugh
35. AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
36. ALL THE KING'S MEN by Robert Penn Warren
37. THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY by Thornton Wilder
38. HOWARDS END by E.M. Forster
39. GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
40. THE HEART OF THE MATTER by Graham Greene
41. LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
42. DELIVERANCE by James Dickey
43. A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (series) by Anthony Powell
44. POINT COUNTER POINT by Aldous Huxley
45. THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
46. THE SECRET AGENT by Joseph Conrad
47. NOSTROMO by Joseph Conrad
48. THE RAINBOW by D.H. Lawrence
49. WOMEN IN LOVE by D.H. Lawrence
50. TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
51. THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer
52. PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT by Philip Roth
53. PALE FIRE by Vladimir Nabokov
54. LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
55. ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
56. THE MALTESE FALCON by Dashiell Hammett
57. PARADE'S END by Ford Madox Ford
58. THE AGE OF INNOCENCE by Edith Wharton
59. ZULEIKA DOBSON by Max Beerbohm
60. THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
61. DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP by Willa Cather
62. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY by James Jones
63. THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES by John Cheever
64. THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
65. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
66. OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
67. HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
68. MAIN STREET by Sinclair Lewis
69. THE HOUSE OF MIRTH by Edith Wharton
70. THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET by Lawrence Durell
71. A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA by Richard Hughes
72. A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS by V.S. Naipaul
73. THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathanael West
74. A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
75. SCOOP by Evelyn Waugh
76. THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE by Muriel Spark
77. FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce
78. KIM by Rudyard Kipling
79. A ROOM WITH A VIEW by E.M. Forster
80. BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
81. THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH by Saul Bellow
82. ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner
83. A BEND IN THE RIVER by V.S. Naipaul
84. THE DEATH OF THE HEART by Elizabeth Bowen
85. LORD JIM by Joseph Conrad
86. RAGTIME by E.L. Doctorow
87. THE OLD WIVES' TALE by Arnold Bennett
88. THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
89. LOVING by Henry Green
90. MIDNIGHT'S CHILDREN by Salman Rushdie
91. TOBACCO ROAD by Erskine Caldwell
92. IRONWEED by William Kennedy
93. THE MAGUS by John Fowles
94. WIDE SARGASSO SEA by Jean Rhys
95. UNDER THE NET by Iris Murdoch
96. SOPHIE'S CHOICE by William Styron
97. THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
98. THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE by James M. Cain
99. THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy
100. THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS by Booth Tarkington



I've read 19 of the 100 but think there are some obvious omitions. How on Earth is East of Eden not on this list? Where is To Kill A Mockingbird?
Also, some things on here seem a little off. A Clockwork Orange? and ranked above Heart of Darkness? A Clockwork Orange is just the novel of the script based off of Heart of Darkness. And Howard's End? Really? One of the best? Eh...

Banned Books, No Oxy in This Moron

These are the 100 Banned Books of 1990-2000.
Bold the ones you've read, italicize the ones you read for school or checked out of the school library.

Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy’s Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (seriously?)
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (who in the hell bans Steinbeck?)
Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling (just the first 3)
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (maybe it's just good literature they are banning)
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Earth’s Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle (another all-time great! what is wrong with people?)
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole Kaffir
Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume (Judy Blume? Really?)
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (there's a rotten theme here)
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein (Shel Silverstein...seriously...poems for kids?)
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. HomesBless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Where’s Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier



I am in awe of this list. What exactly are they going for? Ignorance? That's right, let's refuse to allow our children to read anything with even a drop of intellegence. What should they be reading? Veggie Tales until they are 15? The institutionalized dumbing down of America is disgusting.

Born to Be Bad

*warning, I stole this idea from another blog.

The Bad, Bad, Bad List

(a list of all the bad things about me)

1. I am loud. I am ear-shatteringly loud and even though I know I am I cannot seem to talk myself into being more quiet.

2. I am over-dramatic. I can't say, "A tree fell at dad's house". I say, "Vicious killer trees attacked dad's house!".

3. I am a terrible speller. Terrible.

4. I love puns. Seriously, I think they are hilarious. Chris and Megan disagree.

5. I drive like an old lady. It is only by accident that I ever reach the speed limit on the interstate. I always follow at appropriately save distances and get mad when other people cut into my braking space.

6. I am a snob. I look down my nose at people who are not well read or who (god forbid) have bad grammar. I feel smug and superior and tend to make smart-ass comments.

7. I am a smart-ass. I cannot just hold my tongue. I have never been able to think before I speak. I'm sarcastic and often think I'm much funnier than I am.

8. I have NO will-power. I cannot diet. I cannot keep a regular exercise regimen. I cannot say no to chocolate.

9. I have no attention span. I can't watch movies because two hours is entirely too long for me to sit still. I'm not very good with sit-coms either. I like sports because I can wander off, come back in ten minutes, and still know what's going on.

I'm sure there are more...but these are my favorites.

Killer Trees

Relief at last...until the power went out.

Ferocious storms trampled through Conway last night, tossing empty garbage cans into the street and flinging patio furniture across backyards. Aided and abetted by the famous killer trees there was much glee and destruction before the clouds wandered off to tear up the eastern part of the state.

Casualties? My poor dad, often the victim of the huge lob-lolly pines in his backyard was hit again. This time? The maple at the end of the driveway which fell, snagging the power line, ripping the service box from the side of the house causing siding carnage, and landing on the neighbor's roof. There were no injuries unless you count the bamboo which was destroyed or the roof of the house, but all people present seems to have escaped with only a new appreciation for the vicious temperament of Conway's trees.
Mom and I, bored in our powerless and increasingly stuffy house, decided to cruise around town and check things out. We found lots of flooding, no surprise since the town's built on a swamp, and branches everywhere.
Dad has home owner's insurance. We had power again by 7:30. All in all, not as bad as things could have been.
Now, if only I could manage about three consecutive days of quiet and boredom...

For Suzanne, To Six Hours

Dangling From the Last Thread of Sanity

I live with my little sister, my mom, and Chris. My other sister lives a couple blocks down the street and my dad and his second wife are just down a couple more.
They are all driving me slowly insane.

Tuesday I had to wrangle my schedule at work so I could take my mom to her neurology appointment. She has Parkinson's Disease and last January she was hospitalized with mono-neuritis multiplex. That's right, in my life these are words I know, mono-neuritis multiplex... The good news? Her neuropathy has gotten better and she is cleared to walk again! (My brain went "hurray! no more dragging a wheelchair out of the trunk of a car!") The bad news? She is like a two year-old. She whines, she gets mad and stomps, she pouts and freezes up. That's right, why have children when you have parents. I have threatened to move her out into the shed in our backyard...somehow she treats it like an empty threat.

Wednesday Chris had a thyroid biopsy. Biopsy is NEVER a good word. Today, he had surgery to remove a tumor from his finger. All is well, tumor removed, he will be able to mow the lawn in no time.

Also Tuesday, my sister Katie (who is like driftwood, floating through life with no plan, no destination) was served with a warrant. Note to all, do not bounce checks to Wal-Mart. It turns out that Wal-Mart can add so many fees to two bounced checks that although originally written for around $275 they are now worth about $1500 when all is said and done. Do not mess with Wal-Mart. Luckily for my idiot sister, the entire family was able to drain their bank accounts and come up with the money so she did not have to go to jail this morning. Now I'm so poor I'm going to have to live like I'm in college again, hello spaghetti-o's and ramen noodles, goodbye 100% whole wheat bread and organic vegetables.

Ah, and don't let me forget the youngest sister. She apparently was under the impression that there are fairies who come and take care of her financial aid applications. Surprisingly, the fairies missed hers and it was, therefore, never filed. That's right, she was there in line, registering for classes, and was informed that she owed the entire amount of tuition (although they only wanted 25% right then). No fairies, but she does have her older sister (me) who fixed the application, sent it through to all the appropriate people. I can't imagine what happened to the fairies...but if they are in the same union as the house-cleaning fairies then I think they've all been on strike for quite a while.

So, I haven't been blogging.

Here's my list of things I'm grateful for today:

1. Health. It doesn't seem like such a valuable commodity until you or someone you love loses it.
2. Like. I knew I LOVED Chris, but it's nice to be reminded how much I actually like him. It's terrible and cliche and sappy, but he's my best friend and I really do like him a lot....even when he's driving me crazy.
3. Solitude. Sure, in order to get this I have to get in my car and drive down the street to the park, but sitting there all alone listening to music is like a vacation sometimes. The local cops probably think that I look suspicious, but if I had drugs does anyone really think I'd be selling them?
4. Fall. I know it's out there. I know that cooler weather, shorter days, pumpkins, haystacks, and little kids in costumes are just right around the corner...it's that thought that keeps me going right now.

Why, I Wonder, is My Heart Full of Holes

"Will I catch the moon

Like a bird in a cage

It's for you I swoon

I'm always in love."

-Wilco, "Always in Love"

Today's post is not about love. Well, it's not about gooey, mushy, sappy love. Today is about something better...materialistic love. Today's list is all about everything electric that I love. If it plugs in, and I think I can't live without it, it's on here.

1. HD television. After seeing the world in High Definition regular life looks bland and unappealing. You only think that red looks red on your TV, but until you see red in HD you haven't seen red.

2. TiVo, or really any digital video recorder. I love getting to record shows so I can watch them when I want rather than arranging my schedule around when the networks decide I should watch Gray's Anatomy.

3. WiFi. I can log onto the internet at any time in our house and at various venues in town. An interesting aside to this particular love is how WiFi friendly Conway is. Because of the colleges almost anywhere is WiFi now, even several parks. Great stuff.

4. ipod. I love ipod. I've actually already devoted a bit of blog to my love of my sleek little mp3 player. I cannot function without music. In fact, I'm listening to "Golden" by My Morning Jacket right now thanks to computer speakers and the much beloved ipod.

5. Satellite radio. We had XM and now have Sirius. No dropped transmissions, live coverage of NFL, college games, NBA, NHL and music ten thousand times better than anything they play on radio Terra Firma.

6. Computers. This is sort of a "duh" as I wouldn't be posting this without a computer. In fact, I would never communicate with many of my friends and my brother without a computer. I can find out the news or weather whenever it suits me. So maybe what I really should have on here is...

7. The Internet. See #6.

That's all I've got today. Please note that I did not include my cell phone on the list. I loathe cell phones. I don't like talking on the phone at all, but I really hate the modern inability to ever get away. Run as far as you'd like, but they can still call your cell phone and track you down.

Tomorrow, why I'm not really as materialistic as I seem...

In the Front Row At the Melt Show

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning."
-George Carlin

Today the high temperature was 104.
The heat is making people crazy.

I work at UAMS in one of the outpatient clinics and today had this exchange with one of our normally rather sane patients.

patient: (irritably) Why am I still waiting?
me: (confused) What?
patient: (more irritably) I said WHY AM I STILL WAITING!
me: (very cautiously) Where are you waiting at?
patient: (now angry) In a damned room, where else would I be waiting?
me: (because I'm stupid and have smart-ass tendencies) Um, I don't know, in the waiting room maybe?
patient: (now considering jumping over the counter and choking me until I turn various shades of purple) I'm SICK of waiting! (She punctuate this with a stomp)
me: (trying desperately to be patient) What time was your appointment?
patient: (scowling) Two o'clock.
me: (bewildered) But it's only one forty-five.
patient: (after staring open-mouthed at me for a moment while mentally digesting my words) But I don't want to wait!
me: Er, well, I'm sure it won't be much longer.

Here is where the conversation falls apart. Usually very calm, very nice patient stomps back into her room then returns holding her chart in her hands. She flings the chart at me, whizzing it past my head at warp speed. I sit in shock as she glares at me and slams through the big metal doors and out of the clinic without seeing her doctor.

Five minutes later...
patient: (peeking in door) I left my purse in the room.
me: (without looking up) Oh, well we already auctioned it off in the waiting room to the other patients who don't mind waiting to see the doctor.
patient: (chagrined) I guess I acted up.
me: (still not looking up) Yep.
patient: (sorry, embarrassed) Can I go back in the room?
me: Yep.

Moral of story? This heat is making people crazy. Come to think of it, I might be one of them.

Step One: Admitting You Have a Problem

I am an addict.

See, there, I said it. I am addicted to sports, all things sport. I love football season, I anticipate it's arrival like a child waiting for Christmas. I love the smooth plane of green grass broken only by crisp white chalk lines. I love the crunch of helmet meeting pads as linemen crash into each other battling for position and possession. I love yelling and cursing, screaming and praying for my favorite teams. I love the marching bands and cheerleaders and the hours of tailgate parties leading up to big games. I love the black and white referee shirts and the bright orange of the line markers.
My addiction does not end at football, I am equally crazy about baseball. In my opinion, there is nothing as beautiful as a baseball field lit up at night. I love the intricacies of the game, the battle of wits and strength between pitcher and batter, the excitement of a double play well turned, the mental game of stolen bases and bunts. My blood runs fast for a diving catch stealing an extra bases hit from a batter.
I love hockey, basketball (college, not NBA), soccer, and have even been known to watch golf on TV.
That's right, I'm a sports addict. I am routinely ridiculed by my girlfriends for this. Shamefully, I have skipped out on shopping and lunch dates to watch a big game.
I'd like to say that I'm planning to quit my addiction, but that would be untrue. Even now I'm counting down the days to the first televised college football game (23 days, Boston College @ Central Michigan on ESPN2). This year I get to watch football in HD (high definition for those who aren't also tech junkies) thanks to Murray's love of all things electronic.
So bring on the pigskin! Bring on the pom-pons and the face paint and the ear muffs and the roasted peanuts!

Blending In

Did you know that chameleons do not change color to blend into their surrounding but to show emotion? When a chameleon changes color they are more likely to stick out from their surroundings than to fade into them. The color changes are due to a close relationship between their hormones and emotion.
This bit of interesting information, thanks to NPR, made me think how like chameleons women are. We also tend to change color depending on our moods and emotions.
Okay, so we have help ala Maybeline and Clinique, but still the theory is similar. Take lipstick, for instance.
On most days I wear scrubs to work and therefore skip lipstick altogether and opt for Burt's Beeswax instead. Say, however, I feel good one morning, like the sun is shining just for me. Most likely, I'll wear a bit of mascara and a sheer lipgloss. See, happy but not exactly trying to get attention.
Now, say it's a Friday night and Murray has decided to skip playing cards with the boys and take me out somewhere nice. Ah, time to break out the real lipstick, that beautiful brownish-red I spent too much for at Dillard's considering I never wear it. See, I'm excited, maybe feeling a little romantic and therefore I put on my brighter color to attract attention.
Today I'm blending in with the scenery, which I suppose means I'm at a level emotional state. Or maybe it means that it is wickedly hot and I'd rather be at the pool. Either way, for today I'm a calm chameleon. Maybe tomorrow will be exciting enough for lipgloss...

Rain in August.

Here's to rain in August.

When it's 100 degrees even the tiniest rain shower seems like a blessing from nature. I stood out in my carport and let the brief coolness of the air, the whipping wind, and the mist blowing in from the pouring rain wash over me. Thunder so loud it reverberated in my chest. Sometimes there are moments that remind you that there are simple things that refresh the mind and soul.
Now the storm moves off to the southwest and the rumble of thunder makes me smile. Sure it's only the sixth of August in Arkansas. Sure there are six more weeks of guaranteed misery ahead. But for five minutes on my carport I dreamed of football games and orange leaves and Halloween. Today that will have to be enough.